We had been having a fun but relaxing day. We would all spend some together doing something and then we would each go our separate ways to do something on our own for a while. At one point, Miss E started acting like she was angry about something. I sat down with her to discuss what she was feeling. She told me that she was feeling “left out.” I told her that I was sorry that she was feeling that way, listened to her express her feelings, and offered to do something with her. As we continued talking, I pointed out to her that we (her father & I) hadn’t done anything with Mr. E but not with her (i.e., leaving her “out”). She agreed, but said she felt that way anyway.
As always, I continued to mull this situation over in my head (I DO so enjoy having conversations with myself inside my head. It’s such a nice, quiet place to chat). 
I kept trying figure out what might have caused her to feel left out. I wanted to understand so I could take steps in the future to help prevent the situation from happening again. When she & I were chatting, I had tried not to tell her that she *shouldn’t* be feeling left out, but I was having trouble understanding why she might have felt that way. Then, it occurred to me that perhaps she was using that expression because she didn’t know or have other words to more accurately reflect what she was feeling. It is so easy to dismiss or misunderstand what a child is feeling because of the way that they express or describe what they are feeling — which is merely because they lack a more complete vocabulary to fully express what they are feeling, or because they really don’t understand what exactly it is that they are feeling. This, however, does not make their feelings any less real or important.
Based upon my discussion with Miss. E, I realized that what she may have been feeling was disconnected from the rest of us. It had been a rather disjointed day — with all of us just sort of touching base with each other for a while and then splitting apart again.
Miss E taught me to be sure to take in & consider ALL the facts/factors when working to understand what one of my children is feeling — i.e., hearing more than just the words.
Thank you, Miss E!!!
thank you for sharing this story!
i have been slowly ‘waking up’ to the validity of ALL of my children’s expressions of their feelings, both verbal and non verbal, and really trying to get behind their eyes and see what things are looking like for them.
this one little change is building some amazing bridges over gaps that i wasn’t even aware of.
does that make sense at all? lol
Yes, it makes perfect sense.
Recognizing that all of their words and actions have meaning behind them — and, not always the meaning we initially assume — is pretty big. And, not always easy to do.